So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize