You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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