Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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