i may or may not be watching the land before time
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
