Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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