I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize