you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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