i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize