planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
