Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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