According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
