just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
