I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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