According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
