there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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