I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
