I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
