I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
