I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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