Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
