why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
