I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
