I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
