Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she smelled like a LAN party
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
