Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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