I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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