"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
