what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
