He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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