he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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