you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
