omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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