I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just found puke in my bra..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
