i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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