the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
