Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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