i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
