Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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