I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
