What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Life without a bra equals bliss.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
