I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
