so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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