Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
