don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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