we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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