I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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