her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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