what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
