You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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