i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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