can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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