Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
