i would punch a child for taco bell
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
pray to the hookup gods
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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