do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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