i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
