kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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