i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize