Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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