you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
