That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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