Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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