any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
