Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
