in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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