Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
