At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
