You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
