She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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