When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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